You Might Not Come Back

You might not return.

With this thought I move on
to love again with caution?

The Legacy of Divorce was real to us-
anger that people leave us,
belief that all things are temporary,
our inability to build beyond foundations,
who can walk forward with those on their mind?

I've never met a person like you,
there's so much we shared,
so much in common,
so much support,
real love was in our kiss.
Now forgotten?

I never saw it coming,
your walking,
your going.

I'll be here to hold you if you return.

You Planned Our Deaths by Red Adley

Little signs fall in line
sense comes to the once dumb
the Once Blinded by Love
All now miraculously given Sight!
And what a fright---you planned our Deaths,
the End of Us.
Romantic Things was all I could plan
unaware of the texts from another man
One who would come away and re-capture your sweet heart.

My eyes fill with tears.

'Wait for me' you text...which,
to an Old Dog like me means
Stay---Be Good---Don't Follow Me
into the Fray of Nexts

I'm lately soaked from my own eyes.

I couldn't see beyond my nose,
Your love, that---when proposed
would last more than a season?
Surely, I supposed!  We started to build the foundations.

But now the memories burn
vignettes of Us return
to show all along you planned an Exit
went with the plan that might least burn,
then lit the fire which would ignite, burn bright,
leave me with a lesson to learn,

This hurts more when I look into this Fall,
a coming coldness we would share,
snuggle deep, under covers share stale air,
You couldn't even wait on turning leaves,
leaving my heart and life in despair.

NUMB by Red Adley

It's a drug free world for me
has been for years
but because of the news I wouldn't be yours anymore
well---that has left me numb.
That's not the best word for it---numb.
It's like the feeling a long time ago
of being high enough
falling but sitting still
a vacuum
wondering what to do next and feeling guilty for not caring if you do so.
Occasionally I pinch myself, wincing with the thought 'I'm still alive'.
The pain of your decision to leave,
and it really is a pain---is so deep
like a syndrome, read: a group of coincident things,
possibilities I am somehow to blame?...gather quickly,
healing is so much slower!
It's really happened: My Worst Fear:
You were just mine for a brief moment!
I thanked you every day for being in my Life.
I didn't sin on that Front: I never took love for granted.
Not after you paid for my trust!
My addicition to you was called 'More'
this caught me by surprise, I expected more from you.
I gave you every part of me.
That's it.
There's nothing left.
I'm ashamed to go back around our crowd,
look them in their eyes,
read their "...I Told You So s"
hear them laughing at me.
"What a Fool"
They once believed in Love.
Perhaps I'll never pick up the phone again,
drop off the Earth
find another planet.
It would be easier that way.
Maybe I could just hide, and no one would hear from me for months
until I needed milk, bread, eggs...the things one needs for Cold.
I am become Distant Memory.
Inside this harsh cocoon I can avoid looking in the mirror
seeing dumb,
The world I am left with
leaves me numb.

Murder on Yellow Patio by Red Adley

Give me two months
to fall in love
to make some plans
to prepare a place for us to live...
"Don't do this," I cried
"please, please, please..."
to no avail.

The look in your eyes-cold
Still, the same blue pools I'd seen twinkle
but this time---ice.
"What about California?" I asked.
I had already bought the tickets, we paid for the hotel together.

Give me two months
to fall for you
to make "us" plans
to dream of places to explore---together.
"At least talk," I begged.
"Why go back to your Ex?
There's no real love there."

You say "...I've got to find out."

Machine gun-like I rattle:
"...please, please, please.
Don't do this. Please? 
It's Me, remember Me?"

On that patio, flowers surrounded us.
Yellow---bright...
I thrust myself upon you with something to prove,
kissing your dry, unyielding mouth
"...this is the real truth, in our kiss" I say.
To eyes that pierce cloth, skin, breastplate, organs.

My heart begins to bleed...and I do bleed red.
It contrasts itself to the lovely flowers, which seem to sway toward
the bench.  They look upon the scene, look upon me-bitterly?

That's about the time I begin to hold you, pressing your head to my shoulder.
You say nothing.
I'm a jabbering idiot.
It's all I can do not to get down on my knees.
"Don't leave me. Marry me?" I plead.
You nod "no" or "not now" or "never"
Who could be for sure?

I'm in such shock, I cannot cry.
I guess you gave it two months, enough time...
to let people know
to take me into trust
to conquer my hopes---dreams of a future!
On the patio...I look into those cold eyes...
eyes that once held me as Your Everything,
you don't speak
"Say something," I beg. "Say you're just kidding,
Say it's just a test...say it ain't so!"

My heart has by this time bled completely through my shirt,
and is sticking to my Ego.
I've nothing left to lose, dignity gone.
There's a lump in my throat like one of your imagined turtles.
You don't even notice I'm a Bleeding Siv.

Yellow sees it...the beautiful flowers seem to enclose me, in pity?
They want the red for some reason. 
The color Yellow deserves a dash of red,
wanting something beyond itself---not a flood of it---not all of my 5.6 liters!

I stand-up...quickly, shaking my head "no" but saying the same damn word
over and over
"...please, please, please...don't do this to us."
You've said your peace, and
stabbed me with a piece of my own
Self Esteem.
I turn toward botanicals and you gather yourself to leave.
It's far too late, way far out,
our short life lived together
...too far gone!
We were: artsy, gourmet-like, fashionable, passionate.
We were Selflessness in action.

I think back on the times I kissed you
only to breathe your air back into me.
To share your atoms,
to stop your loss,
to tourniquet your own Past Bleeding!

I was the Patch That didn't Hold.
At this realization I can no longer stand.
I slump, lay down on the ground;
a grass is always softer than a tile.
The flowers lean ever closer!

My once-white shirt, ruined by
the pumping wounded heart,
the Red has covered me,
consumed me,
taken all my Pride!
From my eye level all I see is Earth
"...please, please, please" is what I whisper.

You murdered me on the Yellow Patio.
Broke my heart,
my tears mixed with dirt, lovemuck and false hope---
---which appears as running blood, feeding the hunger of the flowers.
How long have I been here?  How much blood have I lost?
With one last move, I make a forlorn look back to the bench---
But you have long gone.

Not Dead of Heartbreak/the Hat by Red Adley

I awoke today surprised...I'd gone to sleep thinking I would die of heartbreak.
But it didn't happen.
The pill I took---not strong enough to kill me,
just kept me awake looking for answers.
In fact, besides your smiling face, I woke to Dread beside me.
Woe, for having to learn to live without you.
Pain---you say you love somebody else!
(I secretly hope it doesn't work out).
I gather the evidence of your existence...
For a moment ( moment of strength, perhaps) it felt good to pack your things,
memory filled things....items you, we had worn...
Everything about our love could fit into a kitchen sized trash liner.
I snatched and packed even the most mundane things: a movie stub from a movie we really liked,
a poem you had written for me (one time it was sincere but has lost all meaning),
 a stick from a sucker I nabbed for you while you waited patiently for me at the bank.
You should get an acting prize---you survived all my sweet sentiments during the planning.
It must have killed your soul at times, knowing you were planning my demise!
Especially those last three days---I'd been so good to you.
Just Thursday night it took me three hours to prepare dinner..you snuggled with me under an almost full moon.  "Full Moon soon," I had mumbled "...watch out for the Crazies soon."
Little did I guess it would be you, waiting in the wings to stab me, cut my heart from my chest!
Before you drove off yesterday into my memory, I caught a hint.
I can be smart, on occasion: you took my favorite hat---one of your hats---back.
"...I want to wear it," you said.
Little signs fall in line, and
sense comes to the Once Dumbed By Love.
You planned my exit, when all I could see to plan were romantic things.
I feel the Fool, a Tool,
something raw, used, and left dull
with a broken blade. 
At least you got your hat back.