NUMB by Red Adley

It's a drug free world for me
has been for years
but because of the news I wouldn't be yours anymore
well---that has left me numb.
That's not the best word for it---numb.
It's like the feeling a long time ago
of being high enough
falling but sitting still
a vacuum
wondering what to do next and feeling guilty for not caring if you do so.
Occasionally I pinch myself, wincing with the thought 'I'm still alive'.
The pain of your decision to leave,
and it really is a pain---is so deep
like a syndrome, read: a group of coincident things,
possibilities I am somehow to blame?...gather quickly,
healing is so much slower!
It's really happened: My Worst Fear:
You were just mine for a brief moment!
I thanked you every day for being in my Life.
I didn't sin on that Front: I never took love for granted.
Not after you paid for my trust!
My addicition to you was called 'More'
this caught me by surprise, I expected more from you.
I gave you every part of me.
That's it.
There's nothing left.
I'm ashamed to go back around our crowd,
look them in their eyes,
read their "...I Told You So s"
hear them laughing at me.
"What a Fool"
They once believed in Love.
Perhaps I'll never pick up the phone again,
drop off the Earth
find another planet.
It would be easier that way.
Maybe I could just hide, and no one would hear from me for months
until I needed milk, bread, eggs...the things one needs for Cold.
I am become Distant Memory.
Inside this harsh cocoon I can avoid looking in the mirror
seeing dumb,
The world I am left with
leaves me numb.