HUGE HAND REACHES DOWN FROM SKY- TAKES OPRAH

Obviously there is life on other planets, as a huge, spaceship-shaped hand reached down from the sky over Chicago yesterday, taking only talk show super hostess and new "O" (Harpo Productions) television network CEO Oprah Winfrey.

"She's done so much good here, she was needed elsewhere," said one of her many fans left stricken when Oprah was suddenly bounced-off the studio's thrift store couch into the spaceship like some Tom Cruise kickball. 

Some fans waved goodbye, and thought it was all part of the show's taping.  "She could ride off in a chariot and I would clap," said one plate-eyed woman who witnessed the supposed abduction.

"Who's Oprah Winfrey?" said some wandering street idiot.

One passing scientist/guy smart enough to be buying a women's feminine product at a drug store said "  If she was taken to a nearby galaxy, it was CANIS MAJOR---a small, irregular galaxy with a mass of about a billion solar masses, the Canis Major dwarf galaxy is one of our closest neighbours, lying approximately 25,000 light years from the Sun."

There is a large sect of people in America who believe Oprah was taken as a Goodwill Ambassador and is probably in Canis Major now on a planet similar to Earth. 

"She's got her own show in the works, I'm sure."   Another said she'd return one day with a cure for The Common Cold and outlaw television reruns of All In the Family and The Jeffersons..